Tuesday, January 15, 2008
"Language: The Power We Love to Hate"
"Hence a true apology is always painful, and real apologies tend to occur either between equals, or from lower to higher... Yet we persist on making apologies. Why? Because even as we lose status by making then, we get credit for making them: we are seen as nice, responsible people deserving of forgiveness and even praise." (Lakoff, 23). This, to me, means that although we often degrade ourselves by apologizing, it shows that we have the respect for ourselves to actually apologize. I believe that is why he discusses the fact that apologies are rarely from higher ups and that is because they have so much respect, oftentimes too much, so they don't believe they need to apologize even when they are in the wrong.
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I agree with most of what Lakoff says in the quote; however, in the second half of the quote, he makes it seem like the only reason an individual would ever apologize to someone is because of selfish motives: “…we get credit for making them: we are seen as nice, responsible people deserving of forgiveness and even praise.” A true apology needs to come from the heart, showing repentance for the wrong they have done to the other person. It is true, in some cases, that it’s better to give an apology without it being heartfelt. One example would be, as Lakoff had given in an excerpt, a person stepping on someone’s foot. In a situation like that, it is not necessary to give a heartfelt apology. However, in most cases, there is a need for the person who committed the wrong not only to apologize in word, but also in action and a commitment to doing what is right. Also, I never recall Lakoff saying that the reason people in high positions rarely apologize is because they have so much respect that they feel they don’t need to. Instead, I gathered that the issue was a matter of credibility. Politicians have a status and credibility that needs to be kept in order for them to do their job. Obviously, if the person has really hurt someone or sinned against someone, they need to ask for forgiveness. But if politicians apologized for every little thing that offended someone, every little thing they said that someone didn’t like, they would come across as not having any credibility, and therefore not capable of being a leader.
I have to say that I agree with this quote. A real apology is something sincere and admitting that you were sorry for your wrong-doing. In this quote, Lakoff used "a true apology is painful". Today, it seems as if an apology is a simple "I'm Sorry" without any meaning behind it. When you apologize, you should be moved by the apology just as well as the person you are apologizing to. So give an apology that comes from within, with heartfelt meaning regardless of what your status is in society. If you are of such high status, then you should be big enough to apologize.
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